Yelp is an odd juxtaposition between useless and useful. But one consistent thing it always provides is an outlet for people with twisted crosses to bear. So buckle up and prepare yourselves for Rod, the voraciously racist Yelper, whose post went something like this (I am summarizing the finer points for clarity and concision):
A JEWISH deli has an all MEXICAN cooking staff. The head cook was barking out instructions in Spanish, and there were street tortillas all over the grill, in a JEWISH deli. After 15 faithful years, I’ve spent my last dime there.
Let’s point out some obvious issues with this post.
Firstly…Italics. Please, for the love of God, somebody teach Rod that you can italicize words for emphasis so that I’m not forced to scream them from the confines of my head. If you want an example, see above. I’ve italicized your whole post, because I want to emphasize the fact that you’re an unapologetically racist imbecile, and I don’t want to give credence to your words by capitalizing them for import.
Secondly, you used the word barking and I want to remind you that you we’re talking about a human being, and not a dog. But for some peculiar reason, I’m beginning to think that your choice of the word “barking” was very intentional, serving the purpose of dehumanizing our head cook and for that you are well and truly gross. Why don’t you get your little snout out of everyone else’s asshole and worry about your own shit. Literally. Ain’t no smell of roses around here. You stink to high Heaven baby.
Thirdly, street tortillas. Used to make street tacos. You know, those wonderfully orgasmic little bites of heavenly pastor and lengua that I’m almost certain every human being enjoys? Don’t quote me, but, I’m pretty damned sure if you don’t like tacos you’re either dead or a racist…oh, wait…pun intended. Very much so.
Fourthly, Rod. Rod, Rod, Rod you’re killing me here. It’s like you’ve suddenly realized, after 15 years of eating here, that we have Hispanic staff, the same staff that’s been running our kitchen for over four decades. Do you not look up when the expediter drops off your food? When the busboy takes your drink order? When the hostess rings your card and the waitress drops your check? You must have one hell of a kink in your neck to justify never looking up to acknowledge another human being.
Because here’s the thing. Our staff speaks Spanish because they are Hispanic. If that bothers you, consult my response to your Yelp review. While I can highly recommend some delicious ethnic restaurants around here, I can promise you that your Filet Mignon, Orange Chicken, and Pasta Primavera are all made by hard working, Latin men. And while I could suggest that you just do your own meal prep at home, well, nearly every ingredient is harvested by hard working Mexicans across the nation…all of whom speak Spanish.
To be perfectly honest, not a single one of us are heartbroken by losing your business. Because I, for one, do not serve racists. And you, as an American, should study up on your history. Allow me to recite to you the preamble to the Constitution of the United States of America (you know, that document which protects every man, woman, and child living within the borders of this great nation, from both the government and private citizens):
We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect Union, establish justice, ensure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the genera welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.
Look at that. And I didn’t need to erroneously hold down the Caps Lock key once. Italics, baby.
We, the people, are great only when we are united. Those of who you stand against this will be stood against themselves. If you claim anything other than the above written words, I will not serve you. I will not dishonor the men and women who have fought, for decades, to protect this land of many colors. I will not dishonor the citizens nor the residents of this country. I will not dishonor the name of the United States of America by allowing you to preach your hatred here. Find another soapbox. Find another pulpit. You are not welcome here.
This nation was built by immigrants. It was built by criminals and nerdowells. It was built by colorful people, and is, therefore, colorful itself. There are only Americans. Strong, free, beautiful Americans. If you believe otherwise, see yourself out. Because there aren’t enough tacos to go around.
And please, don’t come again.