I cried a few times today. Like eight or nine. I’m not talking full tears or anything I’m talking started to loose my shit in these hysterical, ugly little dry heaves and my eyes grew moist and then I told myself to get my shit together. And it was cool. All cool, baby. 

But this is an apology post for the customers I snapped at because I did, well and truly snap. Even my darling drinker of Mandarin Vodka sitting at the bar noticed. But I love her because she always understands.  

“I heard this quote once,” she said. “About checking the forecast and looking out the window…and seeing that it seemed a bit “peopley” outside today, and so it was best to stay indoors.”

It was perfect. What a perfect word. Peopley. It was definitely too peopley out today one lady waved her credit card in the air I shouted back at her that I’d get it when I had a minute a man in the corner said he was ready to order I snapped back at him, yeah okay. Raised my eyebrows. Someone please slap the bitch from off my face. It was not a good day for me. 

I only slept a few hours. My acid reflux was kicking in on overdrive every time I caught a whiff of tuna I was worried a customer was going to get a whiff of my stomach contents. I’m enrolled full time in Grad School, I’m a Med Student in an EMT program, and I work 40+ hours a week. I spend 4-5 hours driving to class, for 15 hours I sit in a classroom for at least another 10-15 I sift through medical text books and practice chest compressions on my cats who fucking hate me right now. I spend another 2-3 hours reading poetry and memoir and writing out short stories usually on the topic of the alcohol that I consume by bottle not by glass. 

But none of that is your fault. It’s mine. I overbooked myself and oversold myself and that’s my problem not yours. I’m not excusing it, I’m just asking you to understand.  

I didn’t mean to snap. To shout. To wave you away with a flip of my wrist that was rude I hate it when you do it I have no cause to do it back. I’m sorry. Well and truly. 

But there is one moment from today I savor. One moment that turned it all around one moment that made the bad stuff go away. Garrett, the little boy on the patio with the turkey burger, no bun, because he’s gluten free like mommy certainly by choice I’m sure. I was contemplating calling CPS but then she let him get French fries so I figured it evened out in the end. Garrett is two and a half don’t call him a two year old he doesn’t like that very much and he’s very quick to call you on it. 

Anyway, I head outside and Garrett stands up on his little wicker chair, the uneven legs trembling along the grooves of the stone floor, and points in my direction. “Here comes my favorite person in the whole world!” He shouts. And after a day like today, I can safely say I am so unworthy of that title. But he crowned me his favorite nonetheless. And who knows why. Kids get stuff that we, as adults, just don’t. Maybe he saw I was having a bad day and wanted me to feel special maybe we just connected maybe he just liked me, but either way, he said it. And my heart swelled.  

I love kids. I love kids because they’re kind to us, even when we don’t deserve it. They love us, even when we are unworthy. And I think we could all take a lesson from that. From empowering someone who needs a little boost. From recognizing when someone is at an all time low, and making them feel like they’re at an all time high.  

Because my customers responded to me like I responded to them. And of course they did. Why wouldn’t they? It all makes perfect sense. But there’s something to be said for recognizing when someone needs a little more, and giving that to them.  

So you know what Garrett? Today, you were my favorite person in the entire world as well. I won’t point at you because pointing is rude and that’s a lesson you need to learn, but I’ll cheers this glass of Cab in your direction any day.  
Today’s forecast: Peopley with a chance of hope.